Little River

B- and I were painting ornaments, then she went to brush her teeth with her dad, and I started writing an email to my parents. then, she came back out and realized that Santa wouldn't come unless there was a little treat for him; so she set out a date & coconut ball on a small plate and then wrote a note for Santa. I thought that was adorable, but also quite sad b/c the family has no money at the moment. the gift-giving part of christmas is totally blown out of proportion, but it's hard to convince an 8 and 10 year old of that.

so anyway, B- writes this note, wishes me good night and merry Xmas, and then goes to bed. I get up and go over and read it - and I'm overcome with emotion after the first line. the note read:

Dear Santa,

Please get something for Jonathan.
I would have anything.
I think M- wants Legos
Please something for Mum and Dad.
Thank you

Love from,
B-

the combination of emotions I felt was overwhelming - gratitude to the S- family for opening their house and their hearts to me, love for B- and M- and their precious innocence, luckiness for growing up in a family that met (and exceeded) all physical needs & desires, inadequacy for knowing that I wouldn't be capable of bay's selflessness - putting me first in the list - at that tender age, regret for not thinking about bringing presents for the kids

I feel like I haven't cried in a while... but B- broke my heart last night and I fell asleep with tears rolling down my face.

-jbk